


crying on the inside- the end of the fucking world

by dannydoesnotdab



Category: teotfw, the end of the world - Fandom
Genre: End of the World, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-03 04:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13333287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannydoesnotdab/pseuds/dannydoesnotdab
Summary: what happens when alyssa and james are taken into custody? this fan fiction explores the possibility of jame's survival based off of the netflix series, the end of the fucking world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: drug references, sex, mental illness, swearing, and other mature content. viewer discretion advised.
> 
> hey! so this was originally posted to wattpad, but i decided, fuck it and am now posting it here! anyways, hope you enjoy reading this. i don't own characters, they are property of charles forsman. this is a really small fandom, but i hope the few of you enjoy! little side note: the format of this will be third person, alyssa's point of view, james' point of view, and repeat. there'll also be a small reminder of this in the chapter titles. third person will be called "chapter number", alyssa's will be "alyssa's perspective", and james' will be "james' perspective". hope you enjoy!

james screams out in pain as he collapses onto the sand.

"no!" alyssa's ear piercing cry makes teri lighten her grip slightly, allowing her to break through. before she can run to james she's stopped. the sand around james is stained red. a group of armed officers rush over to him to see the wound. as they reach him, they lightly flip him over. one puts to fingers gently on his neck, while the other takes away his gun. another searches for the wound. alyssa continues sobbing and screaming, trying to break free from the officer's arms.

"he's breathing." mumbles one of the officers. the gun shot landed in his back, inches away from his heart. one calls for a stretcher, as an ambulance approaches them...


	2. alyssa's perspective

i fucking hate it here. i fucking hate these stupid cuffs. i hate it all. i've been interrogated for hours. the questions hardly vary. this is stupid. so fucking stupid. i don't know when i'm gonna see james. i don't know if i ever will... they haven't even told me if he's alright. who am i kidding? of course, he's alright. he has to be. i haven't spoken with my mum yet... i don't know if i want to. i do know that tony doesn't want to pay for a lawyer, so the government has to pay for mine. i'm in this stupid room all by myself- it's furnished in all white with matching walls. this doesn't even seem real. it doesn't. euince, or dc noon, or whatever... i know she's coming to speak with me. probably because she's cross i knocked her out... i know i should apologize, but i doubt i will. steady feet approach my personal hell. they lightly knock. i scoff. it's euince. she has a small bruise on her temple. shit...

"heya." she says with a smile as she takes a seat across from me.

"hi." i mumble.

"how are you doing?" i shrug.

"are you hungry?"

"is james alright?"

"they haven't told you?" i shake my head. my wrists ache, probably due to the bruising and these fucking cuffs.

"he's fine. the bullet pierced his abdomen, he's in intensive care now. he'll survive."

"when can i see him?"

"alyssa. that shouldn't be your main concern right now, we need to focus on what you've done."

"I DON'T CARE! I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT I'VE DONE, I NEED TO KNOW HE'S ALRIGHT!" i scream. eunice sighs.

"i want to help you, i really do. but i can't if we're enemies," she gets up and pulls out a key, gesturing for me to put my hands on the table. i look at her, confused, and begrudging do so.

"you're seventeen." she says, unlocking my cuffs. "you're still legally a minor, so whatever happens it won't be too bad." she pulls the cuffs away and smiles warmly at me.

"thanks." i say. "and sorry."

"it's alright. you need to cooperate with officers, eh?"

"they're all nasty pricks."

"we aren't all. now, please. tell me what happened."

"it started because of me..."


	3. james' perspective

i don't know how long i've been here. all i know is i'm hooked up to a variety of machines. i've just woken up, but why say anything? i know alyssa's safe. even from this hospital bed, i'll ensure she's safe. i'm eighteen now. i'm an adult. i'll plead guilty for kidnapping her and murdering him. i'm more than ready to take the blame, because after all, it is my fault. i'm the one that punched my dad. i stole his car. i killed him. she's going to be fine. she'll be alright. the worst she'll get is probation. i wonder, will i be charged with murder and manslaughter? whatever helps alyssa. i only wanted to protect her... if she tries to say differently, and say i didn't force her... i'll just say she has severe stockholm syndrome. would pleading insane help? i'm not sure. i know i'll be appointed a lawyer at some point. but, my dad will probably purchase one in attempts to help me further. i think i understand why now. i understand because of her. i wonder: would telling them the truth about the gas station help? how could i formulate a lie that wouldn't hurt anyone as to how i got the gun? i think i appreciate my dad now. i don't love him. i don't even like him. but i understand him. i guess that's all i need to feel... more appreciative. i wonder what alyssa's doing right now. is she thinking of me? my father once said that whenever you think of someone, it's because they thought of you. but that sounds quite narcissistic. if it was true, it makes all your thoughts by products of others. and why can't you think of them first, then they think of you? i'd like my thoughts to be kept to myself, not exposed to whomever i think of... or whoever is thinking of me. is alyssa hurt? no... of course not. the police can't hurt her. not physically, at least. the worst they could do is restrain her... right? no. no, she's fine. she's safe. yet, knowing that she's safe doesn't seem to help me. i doubt i'll be able to speak to her anytime soon. maybe she'll visit me in prison. or i'll see her in court. or maybe dc noon will pull some strings and allow us to have a short meeting. i hope she does. shit. there's someone coming. i force my eyes shut as they walk in. i think it's a nurse. i open my eyes slightly to see.

"i know you're up, if you were asleep, your heart rate would be lower."

"how long have i been here?"

"a few days... i believe three. how are you feeling?"

"okay. may i speak with a lawyer?" she chuckled lightly.

"no. not yet, at least." i stared at her, confused.

"well, we need to make sure you're fully healed. emotional trauma can have negative effects on the body."

"speaking with a lawyer isn't traumatic, it's settling. it allows me to properly evaluate the situation." she laughed again.

"straight to the point, aren't you? let's take your temperature."


	4. chapter four

eunice sat across from teri. she frowned as teri smiled wide.

"you did a good job, you know. catching them being they-"

"they wouldn't have killed anyone else. he was a murder. it's not like they killed some random civilian!" teri rolled her eyes and sighed.

"there's no reason to be so upset, they're convicts."

"they're children!"

"not james. he's eighteen. that's proper jail, he's not a child. neither is alyssa, she's seventeen-"

"as far as i'm concerned, they're still kids." teri scoffed.

"of course you think that."

"i'm going to vouch for them, whether you're behind me or not." eunice said, as she slammed fifteen pounds on the table and began to leave the shop.

"euince-"

"what?"

"i'm sorry."

"you should be." eunice walked out of the shop, slamming the door shut as she left the café.


	5. alyssa's perspective

he's alive. holy fuck, he's alive. i knew he was alive, i just knew it, but... it's good to know for sure. i've been apointed a lawyer, lilly. she's nice. she has long and wavy red hair, curvy hips, and an american accent. she's told me with help from eunice, i'll have a short monitored meeting time with james.

"james is well, he woke up earlier today." she told me. my response was something like,

"holy shit, really?" 

lilly grew up in california, and was an emancipated minor. she went to law school in london, and wanted to be a county lawyer to help people like me. she talks, sometimes, but mostly listens. according to her, i should be out free of jail time. james is pleading guilty for murder and kidnapping, which she says might give him as much as forty years, and as little as twenty, with parole of course. my main objective is to get into as much trouble as possible, making james get off easy. or, easier. sometimes, i fucking hate the law. my dad's in the hospital too. he hasn't asked to see me. but that's alright, because i don't want to see him either. i hear he might be getting his leg amputated because of blood loss. serves him right. my mum has visited me a few times, but i've just told her to fuck off. mostly she speaks of how irresponsible it was to run off with james and how dangerous he is and how much she loves me. it's bullshit. i just deny her visits now. i'm fingerprinted. fucking fingerprinted. they've got me in a holding area until my court date. it's all no fair. no fucking fair. lilly says if james pleads insanity, he could get off with some psychiatric visits, which sounds worse than jail, but is for much less time. she hasn't told me anything else because apparently, the best way to help james is to help myself. i've told her the truth, ten times over, and she says the best way is to tell the judge that, instead of lying in attempt to help james. but that's bullshit too. it's all bullshit. but james... i'll see him soon. i'm sure of it.


	6. james' perspective

i might be seeing alyssa soon. my dad paid for a lawyer, and i've met her a few times. she's okay. my dad comes to say hi twice a day. at first, i thought it was annoying. but now... i don't really mind. he doesn't say much, he just asks how i am. i respond to one-word phrases like fine. he doesn't seem to care, he just stares at me with watery eyes and a soft smile. my lawyer says if all goes to plan, i'll have a thirty minute supervised visit with alyssa tomorrow. i don't know what specifically "the plan" is, but i hope it goes well. i miss her. missing people... it's a weird feeling. but it's better than nothing. it really is. there's footsteps outside...

"hi, james." it's my lawyer. 

"hello." i quietly respond. 

"how are you today, sweetie?" sophia has a heavy scottish accent. she's clearly overweight with caramel skin, dark hair, and matching eyes. she's in her late fifties, but she's a miracle worker, or so my dad says. 

"i'm alright." she smiles softly, taking a seat near my bed. 

"you're being released from the hospital tomorrow. that's good, innit?"

"sure," i say with a sigh. 

"and in three days you'll be seeing alyssa." i can feel my face light up. i give her a smile and she returns it. 

"really?" 

"yes, but that doesn't mean we can't discuss your case." my heart sinks. 

"will she be alright?" sophia stares at me for a second, confused. 

"will alyssa be alright?" i ask. she sighs.

"i'm sure she'll be fine. let's speak about you for a minute, eh?"

"would pleading insanity help?" sophia's eyebrow raises. she looks up and gently rubs her eyes. 

"james, you need to focus on you. not her."

"but would it?" sophia sighs. 

"the thing that would help is telling the truth." 

"if i tell the truth, will alyssa be alright?" sophia bites her lower lip gently. 

"i don't know." she mumbles. 

"insanity it is." 

"james..." she begins. 

"no, i need to make sure she's alright. please, i need to." her shoulders slump.

"i know." she says with a sigh.

"will you help me?" i ask. she flips back her short hair. "please?"

"okay... okay. i'll see what i can do."


	7. chapter seven

alyssa and james sat together. isolated by a thick piece of glass, connected through a telephone. starring into each other's eyes as their lawyers watched their every move.

"hi." alyssa murmured. james smiled.

"hi." he put his hand against the glass. alyssa did the same.

"are you okay?" she asked.

"yeah. i'm fine. are you?"

"i'm not the one who was fucking shot." james quietly chuckled.

"what's happened with you?" alyssa whispered through the phone.

"nothing i can't take." he paused. "i miss you."

"i miss you too." they stood for a few minutes, in quiet comfort, listening to each other breathe. in, out. in, out.

"alyssa?"

"yeah?"

"i'm going to make sure you're okay, alright? please go along with what i say. please."

"what? no way. no fucking way. james, you're an adult now. i'm still seventeen, if i just-"

"alyssa."

"no, james. no."

"please."

"no!" she screamed. for a second, she debated hanging up, but she knew she'd regret it later. who knows when they'd get to speak with each other again.

"i'm sorry." she whispered.

"it's okay." lilly walked to alyssa. she placed her hand gently on her shoulder.

"it's time to say goodbye." she whispered in her ear. alyssa sighed, again tempted to make a scene. but, doing that wouldn't help anything.

"alyssa?"

"yeah?"

"i love you."

"i love you too."


	8. alyssa's perspective

seeing james felt like taking your first breath after being held under water for your entire life. i miss him already. it was the most sobering experience i've ever been through. seeing his blood shot and baggy eyes. his cheeks red, and the rest of him extermely pale. his skinny arms and fucking smile. that goddamn smile. he's... beautiful. words can't possibly do justice to what i'm feeling. i don't know when i'm seeing him again. i don't know if he's going to jail. i don't know what's going to happen. i do know that my father's asked to see me today. i accepted the visitation. not for him, but for me. because i need answers. and i'm certainly not going to play nice. he's the cunt who locked me and james up in here anyway- i regret even allowing myself to be in his presence. i should've listened to james. he told me it wasn't the proper place to stay... and i said it was. pushing. forcing. i sometimes think i hate myself. other times, i know i do.

"alyssa." my father says quietly as he walks in. i glare at him.

"leslie." he squints his eyes.

"listen girlie-"

"no. you listen. you're the reason we're here. it's all your fucking fault i-"

"you want to blame me, eh? blame me for you killing that man? it's not my fault, it's-"

"I'M NOT FUCKING FINISHED!" i scream at him. i can feel the officers watching my every move from cctv. but i don't care.

"YOU'RE A FUCKING MISTAKE. A WORTHLESS FATHER. A WORTHLESS PERSON. YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME. THIS VISIT," i slam my hand on the table, standing up,

"IS FUCKING OVER." i scream as i barge out of the doorway. before i can take another step, an officer stops me. i begrudgingly succumb to their restraints as i glare at my sorry excuse for a dad. i shouldn't have accepted that visit. but god, did it feel amazing to tell him off. he deserves that and worse. i'm cuffed and forced back to my cell.

"that didn't help your case." the officer grumbles in my ear.

"oh, piss off." i tell him as he undoes my cuffs and shoves me into my cell.

"if i were you, i'd treat me with some respect." he walks out, slamming the door behind him. i growl, jumping onto my bed, grab my pillow and begin to scream harsh obscenities. welcome to fucking paradise.


	9. james' perspective

alyssa. her smile. her scent. it's all ingrained in my mind. i need to protect her. and i will. i'll find a way. i have to. she deserves that. she deserves that and so much more. i have another meeting with my lawyer today... my trial is in two weeks. alyssa will be there. that's the next time i'll see her. fourteen days, seven hours, and sixteen minutes. yes, i'm keeping track. why wouldn't i?  
"morning, james." sophia says as she places her luggage down. 

"hi." i mumble.

"how are you today?"

"i'm fine." she frowns, knowing it's a lie. yet, she leaves it at that. 

"excited for court?" she says all too enthusiastically, her bright red lips forcing into a smile. i'm not a sarcastic person, so i reply honestly. 

"no." i respond with a sigh. 

"last we spoke, you said you wanted to plead insanity."

"yes."

"why is that?" her head tilts, her shiny hair falling to the side of her neck. i focus on her blue eye shadow, it's incredibly distracting. i'll never understand her choice of makeup, but, for some reason, it's quite comforting.

"spending time in a psychiatric facility until they deem me stable is much better than a lifetime in jail." she bites her lower lip, getting crimson lipstick on her teeth.

"but see, the issue with that... you could easily spend a lifetime there too. the best way is to tell the truth. you'll be possibly charged with theft, for the car of course, breaking and entering, manslaughter, and resisting arrest."

"those are quite a few of charges." i say, my mouth suppressed into a tight, straight line. 

"pleading insanity could turn manslaughter into murder, and resisting into evading. that's two felonies." 

"which would help-" 

"telling the truth." she interrupts. she's really determined. i remember what my dad said about her... she's a miracle worker. the only miracle in this situation is if alyssa gets no charges, and i simply get probation. she's worked with me. she's compromised with me. should i try? she is the professional, and she did promise me she'd only encourage ways that would benefit alyssa. but what is her word worth? it's ought to be worth something. or is it? my mind is running a mile a minute. 

"will you?" she snaps me back into reality. i don't think it's ever been so hard to tell the truth in my entire life. not because the truth is that we suffered through some terrible injustice, but would the truth really help her? i suppose lying might get her into a bigger mess if the judge found out the truth.

"yes." she smiles at my response. 

"thank you, james." little does she know, i can't do that. i'm pleading i guilty. guilty for anything, but the truth.


	10. chapter ten

james shuffled into the court room, his head down and hands bound in front of him. alyssa turned to see him. it took everything she had to not run to him and wrap him in her arms. he stiffly took a seat next to his lawyer, father, and two officers. james glanced to alyssa. he gave her a light smile, to which she returned one. tears filled alyssa's eyes as the judge took a seat.

"the court of the second judicial circuit, criminal division, is now in session. the honorable judge lòpez presiding." the officer in the front of the room spoke. the judge straightened his back and sighed. a hush fell over the room when he opened his mouth to speak.

"everyone but the jury may be seated." in unison, the court room sat down.

"may the defendant please state their case." sophia stood up.

"my client pleads guilty for manslaughter, robbery, and resisting arrest."

"prosecution may call to their first witness." the manager of the petrol station and her lawyer stood. 

"it was a normal day at the petrol station for my client, mrs. entwistle, when mr. lawram and ms. foley attempted an armed robbery. her co-worker, mr. cave, became an accessory to the crime."

"thank you, you may be seated." the judge mumbled as he began flipping through papers. after a minute or so of reading documents, he addressed alyssa.

"ms. foley, please state your case." lilly stood.

"my client pleads guilty to breaking and entering, resisting arrest, and assisting mr. lawram's crimes." judge lòpez's eyebrows pressed together.

"ms. covell, may your client speak to elaborate?" lilly's cheeks flushed. 

"of course, your honor." alyssa raised one eyebrow as she stood up.

"ms. foley, in your own words, please explain what happened."

"james and i ran away. he punched his dad, stole his car, and we fled town. it was my idea. the car broke down, so we hitchhiked with some pedo. the same shithead molested him in the toilets, then i told him to give me his wallet or i'd tell authorities. he did. so we decided to lie low, and that's when i broke into mr. koch's house. he tried to rape me, so james stabbed him in the neck-" before alyssa could continue, judge lòpez interrupted her.

"thank you, ms. foley. mr. lawram, please stand." lilly and alyssa sat down as james and sophia stood up.

"mr. lawram, please explain the same events. do they coincide with ms. foley's statement?"

here goes nothing... james thought.

"no, your honor." sophia was taken aback. 

"excuse me your honor, may i have a minute with my client?"

"denied. mr. lawram, please continue."

"what the fuck is he going on about?" alyssa hissed to lilly. she shrugged in response.

"i kidnapped alyssa. i stole my father's car to get away, and broke into mr. koch's house. then i killed him. i believe alyssa has a form of stockholm syndrome and a distorted memory due to trauma."

"james, what are you doing?" sophia softly growled at him.

"thank you, mr. lawram. court will resume after a two-minute recess."


	11. alyssa's perspective

james' lawyer pulls him to the side and starts whisper shouting at him. 

"what the hell was that?" i ask lilly.

"he's trying to enhance his crimes so you get off free of charges. he's gone down this path, he's got to stick with it, otherwise he'll loose his credibility."

"fuck his credibility! he's lying!" 

"alyssa, you've got to remain calm. you can't control him, just plead your case. tell the truth." i sigh. 

"can i at least speak with him?" 

"i'm sorry, you can't. we've got to continue, alright?" i sigh. 

"alright." the judge comes back. fucking prick. 

"case resumed. leslie foley, a victim of a violent outburst, you have the floor." dad stands up. there's wrapping round his thigh. i snort as he stumbles up. 

"my girl came to visit me with 'er boyfriend. erm, james." every word is outlined with stutters and slurs. it's quite a sight. 

"your honor?" lilly asks. 

"permission granted." he responds

"my client claims you have been illegally distributing drugs to minors. is that true?"

"well, erm..." 

"ms. covell," my dad's lawyer begins, "this is a case outlining your client's crimes, not what mr. foley might have done."

"if it were true that he's been dealing, it lessens his credibility. whatever the following claims are, your honor, i'd like you to take that into consideration."

"thank you," judge lòpez says. "please be seated. mr. foley, continue."

"they stayed with me for... erm, about a week. i saw them on the news, when i confronted them, that's when that bloody boy attacked me."

"objection!" lilly cries. the judge turns to her. 

"overruled." my dad stopped talking. "excuse me, mr. foley, are you going contuine."

"no, erm... that's all i've got to say." the judge rolled his eyes.

"ms. covell, you may sustain." 

"thank you, your honor. my client confesses to have stabbed her father after he'd been aggressive with her and informed authorities."

"how is that any better?" my dad's lawyer spat at her.

"it's the truth. mr. foley had been violent with them both on numerous occasions, it is right and just for my client to use her judgement to protect herself."

"irreverent. mr. lawram, please explain the murder and following accusations." james stands. 

"it's true mr. koch tried to rape alyssa. there is evidence that i saw of him hurting girls, and i knew he'd do that with her. i'd grown quite fond of her, and..." james voice trailed off. his lips pressed together, and he slightly smiled. "i think i'd go as far to say i love her." what the hell is he going at? how is that going to help anything, i-

"court will resume after a ten minute recess for the jury to reach a verdict."


	12. james' perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey buds! thank you all for the kind comments and kudos and views and agh!! you guys are so epic. apologies for my inconsistent updates, but school is extremely pressing. in a perfect world, i'd be able to put fan fiction first, but unfortunately, priorities make sure other things are forced in front of my writing. thanks once more for all the kindness, it truly puts a smile on my face. i hope you enjoy this chapter, although it's quite short, but remember that i will update once more soon! have a great day!

alyssa's eyes widen. she stares at me from across the room in horror. i turn away from her, i can't bare to see her so cross with me.

"sophia?" i ask. 

"yes?"

"may i speak with alyssa? please?" sophia turns to me. 

"i'm sorry sweetheart, but you can't. you've really dug yourself deep, love." my eyebrows crinkle together. 

"what do you mean?"

"i mean, it's up to the jury. if you're guilty or not. if they find you guilty, which you've repeatedly admitted to, the judge will decide your sentence. and i doubt it'll be a good one." i sigh. 

"after court?" sophia stares at me dumbfounded. 

"excuse me?"

"could i speak with alyssa after court?" she tries her hardest not to roll her eyes.

"do you truly love her?" i tilt my head to the side. "do you?" she asks once more.

"of course," i begin. "i wouldn't say it if it weren't true." she scoffs. 

"despite the fact you've lied today in court, eh?" i smile. 

"i'd never lie about alyssa." sophia's eyebrow raises. "or, how i feel about her." sophia returns my grin.

"listen, speak with your pa for a bit, eh? you've hardly spoken a word to him all day. he's here for you, and you kind of confessed your undying love for a bloke he hardly knows." i sigh. 

"once i'm in jail, i'll have plenty time to call him." she lightly smacks my arm. 

"happy thoughts, mate. happy thoughts." the judge walks back to the podium, a slight smile on his face. 

"the jury has reached a verdict."


	13. chapter thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to update! hope you enjoy :)

"for the murder of clive koch, how does the jury find james lawram?" the world freezes. alyssa's whole body stiffens as the commissioner stands. 

"not guilty, your honor." alyssa gives a sigh of relief, just to tense up once more. everything depends on this. 

"for the manslaughter of clive koch via self defense, how does the jury find james lawram?" 

"guilty, your honor." lilly smiles, pleased with the outcome. alyssa decides that it isn't too bad. 

"for resisting arrest, how does the jury find alyssa foley?"

"guilty, your honor." judge lòpez presses his lips together, an expression impossible to interpret. 

"for resisting arrest, how does the jury find james lawram?" 

"guilty, your honor." this response seemed to be set in stone, no gasps or murmers came from the audience as other verdicts had received. 

"for the violent outburst and stabbing of mr. foley, how does the jury find alyssa foley?"

"guilty, your honor." alyssa smirks, proud of herself and lilly that james attempt of lying didn't faze the jury. they knew he was bullshitting. although this results in punishment for her, it seems that everything is right in the world for a second. and then she remembers the situation she's truly in, and her wave of happiness goes as quickly as it came. 

"for the kidnapping of alyssa foley, how does the jury find james lawram?" all watching, even the judge it seems, are anticipating an answer. no one dares to speak a word. it seems everyone has even stopped breathing. 

"even considering the charges you're facing," sophia begins, whispering softly to james. "this one is the mother load." 

"not guilty, your honor." a sigh of relief falls upon a select few, while alyssa's mum stands, clearly about to begin an outburst. 

"my daughter did not run away! she was-" before she can contuine, the judge shouts,

"order in the court! if you do not silence yourself, i will have you removed." his firm voice forces her to sit in aggravated silence. he sighs as he begins once more. 

"for resisting arrest, how does the jury find james lawram?"

"guilty, your honor." he pauses a second, awaiting another outburst, but nothing comes. he smiles to himself. 

"for resisting arrest, how does the jury find alyssa foley?"

"guilty your honor." 

"thank you. ms. foley and mr. lawram will be kept in custody until the court date determining their sentences. you are dismissed."


End file.
